We focus on the native family's growth history in stage one, hoping to establish a solid dialogue relationship with respondents.
As a questionnaire, we use the paper version of Facebook for youngsters from the 1990s. Some of the questions are intriguing, such as what is your favorite song? What is the saddest experience you've ever had? Can you tell me some gossip? and so on. This is a good way to start a conversation.
We tried a few bodily movements after hours of talking. Leave the words behind and reconnect with the present moment's place and body, which includes Perceiving the space, Breathing exercises, Practicing the conversion of posture to dance, and selecting one memory to respond to with behavior.
The goal of the first stage is to get a complete picture of the respondents' life rather than looking for similarities and discrepancies. It was impossible to portray all Taiwanese women in their fifties and sixties in only five situations. Even within the same historical and cultural context, there are still a variety of experiences and connection alternatives. Furthermore, as a woman, I have grown tired of being labeled.
So, what exactly are we looking for? Is the time to embrace feminine self-identity or gender identity? Is the moment of sexual enlightenment or the moment bound by societal dogma?
it's a neither, and an either.
My partner Chin and I are both new to fieldwork. We can only seek for core and adjustment practices while on the fieldwork in the short term. For example, we define and imagine words like "women" and "gender" in quite different ways than the respondents. Being aware of our differences and the reasons for them, altering context, and using delicate wording can all help us progress more smoothly.
Instead of trying to drive the conversation to a specific topic as a questioner, we've discovered that it's best to chat freely while remaining cognizant of traditional gender standards. Perhaps the core can be found more easily under the safe two-way communication.
For example, one of Chin's respondents stated that the reorganization of the gender framework is tantamount to destroying her life's convictions (Attachment 1). That makes Chin wonder about her own status in her generation, as though we all think we're breaking through and opening something, but are we also establishing a new framework?
I was originally in a teacher-student relationship with the respondents, and I've been locked in their perception of me as a teacher. At first, I thought the conversation wasn't going deep enough. I'm hoping they'll be able to let go of this relationship and trust me more. Looking back, I realized that trust is not a one-way street. The trust and space I provided were woefully insufficient.
(Failed screenshot: First meeting with facilitator Henry)
Following the first round of fieldwork, we've compiled the following main points:
1.The goal of the first stage of fieldwork is to find numerous elements and details from the respondents' life experiences to use as seeds of creation in future workshops, which will be stimulated by various nutrients. The second goal is through these telling, listening, and discussing, to review and organize each moment in life, what sort of existence it is for the current self, and after all the activities, how can we trigger our future lives?
2.When the respondents have no notion of sexual or gender variety, we can't avoid the context of dualistic gender thinking in the process, and how do we bring this notion to the activities in the following stage?
3.The most important factor for us is the feminine thinking of the respondents in the historical event, not the content of the historical event. How can conscious and independent female thinking be communicated and recorded?
Writing/Data Integration: Kuan
Attachment 1 (附件一):
第一階段田調日誌
田調第一階段聚焦在成長歷史，並希望在第一階段與田調對象建立良好的對話關係。我們使用了90年代小孩的紙本版臉書作為問卷，上面有很多趣味問題像是:你最喜歡的歌曲、你最傷心的事、講一個八卦....等，藉此來開啟對話。經過數小時的談話後便是身體活動，離開語言的處境，與當下空間和身體做連結。內容包含﹔感知空間、呼吸的練習，姿態到動態的練習，和選擇一段回憶轉化成行為的練習。
第一階段的目的是深入了解對象的生命歷程，而不是尋找異同。僅僅五個案例無法代表全台灣的中年婦女，即便在相同的時代與文化背景，還是有不同的歷程，和與之對應的關係選擇。更何況，作為女人，我對於「被歸類」、「樣板化」已經厭煩透頂。
那我們到底再找尋什麼? 女性自我認同或是性別認同的時刻? 受社會教條綑綁的時刻?還是性啟蒙的時刻?
好像都是，也都不是。
我與夥伴詣芩都是第一次實做田野調查，在時間緊迫的狀態下，都是在過程中找尋核心並調整方向。光「女人」、「性別」兩個字，我們與對象都有全然不同的定義與想像，理解彼此的差異以及背後原因，細膩的選字、調整語境，才能更順暢地進行。我們發現，比起作為提問者試圖將訪談導向特定議題，不如打開空間的閒話家常，同時保有對於傳統性別意識型態的敏銳度，或許更能在自在的雙向交流下，找到此次的核心。
例如詣芩的一位對象分享到，關於社會性別框架重新洗牌，等於沖刷她長久以來的生活信念(附件一)，讓詣芩反思到自身處境，我們都以為自己正在突破、打開什麼的同時，會不會也在建造另一個框架；而我始終卡在和對象是師生的關係， 一開始總覺得談話不夠深入，希望他們可以放下這層關係，並給予我更多信任，回頭卻發現信任不是單向的，我給予的信任和空間才是最不足的。
第一階段結束後，我們統整出以下重點:
1.田調第一階段的核心其一是從對象的生命經驗中找到各種元素和細節，做為創作的種子，在後面的工作坊被不同養分觸發，長成不同姿態；二是藉由這些訴說、聆聽、與討論，去回顧、梳理生命中的每個時刻，之於現在的自己是什麼樣的存在，而經過這樣的梳理，要怎麼觸發我們日後的生活 ?
2.在過程中無法跳脫二元性別思考的語境，在對象沒有多元性別概念的情況下，要怎麼在下一階段將此概念帶入活動 ?
3.對我們來說最重要的並不是歷史事件的內容，而是對象在其中的思考，如何讓女性的思考具意識且獨立出來的被交流、被記錄 ?
撰文: 周寬柔
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