ARTIST JOURNAL－TSENG CHIH WEI
Various media platforms created one LIVE. In the CLOUD residency, I’ve experienced an indescribable journey of body sensations.
Staff Messenger: 5 4 3 2 1
Pinned on Zoom
Camera and microphone on, share screen
Check myself on the camera
Left face looks better
Look aside on the documents
114 participants
Imagine 114 pairs of eyes and ears
From all over the world
PRESENTATION
Information is updated in Zoom chat box by the staff
Numbers of participants are changing all the time
Some leave and some join
Click next page of PPT with trembling hands
“Are people listening to me?”
“My English is good enough?”
Thank you for listening
Unpinned on Zoom
Camera and microphone off
5 minutes break
Staff Messenger: 5 4 3 2 1
Pinned on Zoom
Camera and microphone on, share screen
Check myself on the camera
Left face looks better
OPEN DISCUSSION
Unstable connection
“What did he/she say?”
“What does that English sentence mean?”
“Did she/he hear me?”
Long English questions written on Zoom chat box
Long English questions spoken through the microphone
Questions are translated into Mandarin in Staff messenger
I translate for my partner at the same time
Any other questions?
My brain has already stopped working
Thank you for listening
Unpinned on Zoom
Camera and microphone off
Staff Messenger: Congratulations!
Soul’s gone
Collapsed
We imagined to be in a live performance in the CLOUD:
Staff Messenger is like Intercom
Zoom Pin is like Stage
Zoom Unpin is like Back Stage
Zoom Chat Box is like Audience
Staff in Zoom Chat Box is like Announcement
However, perhaps because I’m not very experienced with online creations, I was still processing the CLOUD residency with the body sensations that I used to have in theatre creations. There was one question from the audience that made me think a lot: “How do you embody it?” Thus, I wonder: Where are my body and my voice in the internet SPACE? There was not only the connection LAGGED but also language (Mandarin and English) LAGGED. All participants are sharing their own half body selfies with no eye contacts. Where should I look at while I am speaking? Myself? Others? Into the camera? The energy I relied on in a theatre is no longer working here. How do I control my own body and voice? How are my expression and words being received? Being in a LIVE without being there, online creations are more exhausting than theatre creations.
Our creation “Sex and Gender in Intimate Fabrics”, we were supposed to explore gender issues with experiments of physicality. Body carries gender. Unfortunately, because of the pandemic, MEI and I only had one rehearsal to finish the try out video. We are both used to create with our bodies so it was a challenge for both of us to create only with our brains. There was somehow something missing in the online meetings. But we appreciate this opportunity anyway. We’re both learning to not only be a performer, but a thinker.
Big thanks to Thinkers’ Studio for making us keep on creating during the pandemic period, for making people from all over the world encounter in TIME. They had long-term planning and experience so that they could take care of all the details so well. Thanks to Yi-Kai, Che-Min, Vivien and Cynthia.
And of course, big thanks to my dear partner MEI and our facilitator Huang, Ding-Yun.
PowerPoint for the presentation "Sex and Gender in Intimate Fabrics"
創作日誌－梅芷菱
過往的訓練背景下，讓我總是以身體先行而後才思考，不擅長對話與思辨，
在近年開始創作後，深刻體會對話的重要，學習如何把話說完整以及內容需要一再挖掘才能在與人對談時能言之有物，對於性別議題這塊，毫無經驗，一直以為這樣的領域與我沒有太大的關係，但真正開始理解之後才發現生活之中，它無處不在，如協作者鼎云：「性別，是每個人的課題。」我一開始以自己無經驗為前提，一直去嘗試配合與學習智偉這方面的研究，但忽略了自我身上其實也有著相似的經驗，以我的視角去切入不同的觀點，不論是異性戀、同性戀、跨性別、二元等等....
以各自不同的人生經驗與身體背景去探討、對話，試著了解這些課題，回頭反思生命中百種型態，人本身就是極其複雜的生物，我們出生以性徵不同，而就此定義性別，但生命的每種階段與體悟，都是流動的，無法再以單純性徵拆分為男女，而從真正認識自我，我定義我自己，跳脫二元思考，是這個世代我們需要不斷的學習，沒有標準答案，而是不斷對生活中提問，打破框架，定義之後再推翻，才會往成長邁進。
這次的呈現，不再以身體先動，而是以不擅長的思辨為開端，過程中將許多認知加以打破，不斷的問出問題，因為是網絡線上討論，透過螢幕不能像以往含糊的運用身體帶過提問，而是小心翼翼的處理每個回答，不懂就問，不明白就不斷閱讀與討論，試著找出核心，拋開要呈現的壓力，更加專注於對話，將互相的身體經驗套入研究的主題中，找出關鍵詞，找出連結，找出真正想做的，「身體」「物件」「性」「性別」如何打開自己，或者被打開，我們嘗試各種有趣的體驗，雖然只有一次的實地工作，但很有收穫，不管是身體還是思考上，對於對話之後的身體執行，更有感受！
雲端駐村的呈現，最難就是試著將所思所想，以口述方式交流，每個視窗都是直白的注視著，無所遁形，所以要更加投入，腦袋要不斷的整理回答，因為即時，所以更加真實，但幸好擁有夥伴智偉，不斷的陪伴與支撐，讓我在這次的計畫中，雖然像是新生兒般，雖然時間短暫，卻成長了許多，豐富了我的世界觀，從他身上學習了不同的觀點與思考方式，在呈現結束的當下，真的很想好好擁抱這位夥伴，也非常感謝協作者鼎云的創作陪伴，思劇團的鼎力幫助，因為這個計畫，直接的讓我面對恐懼與不足，破而後立，打開了自我。
Clip of the try out video "Sex and Gender in Intimate Fabrics"
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